Monday, November 19, 2007

Branch J: Jungle Planet

Being a mass of uncaring jerks, we have elected to ignore the SOS, still. But somehow I figure this will come back to bite us in the nads anyway. Let's look for Survivors. If we find Richard Hatch, he dies first.

> Explore Ruins
You find a farmer.
> Talk Farmer
The farmer whines about how the Evil Power Master set them all on fire, is unstoppable, dapper in that hat.

> Return to Base
You return to your base. The Evil Power Master has left you a challenge in giant, capital letters so you know he sent it.
> Go to Stadium
You arrive at the stadium. It is full of aliens waiting eagerly to watch you get utterly stomped by the Evil Power Master.
> Why the hell did I agree to this challenge?
I have no idea.
> Enter Stadium.
You are in the center of the stadium. The crowd is cheering.
There is an Evil Power Master here.
> Fight Evil Power Master
The Evil Power Master laughs at you, makes you look like a chump in front of all these people, and runs away laughing. People begin to make fun of you and your mother. THE END.

Ending V:
Type: Non-Ending/Failure/What-The-Hell

...Wow. That didn't go so well. I'll never look for any survivors again, ever, in any context. Maybe that SOS won't get us so thoroughly embarrassed.

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Okay we're going to the SOS now.

You land. You look around for the SOS. A giant monster eats you. Also, your parents never loved you.

Ending W:
Type: Failure/Death

Wow. I'll never ignore another SOS again. Because if I do, for even a second, apparently I will die, or worse. Let's go ahead and go to that SOS.

The damn book decides to rename the droid I've been calling Hard Man all this time. They call him Tonto because they are stupid and unfamiliar with how awesome Megaman 3 was. This book belongs in a fire.
We land on the jungle planet. We answer the SOS. And what does Flppto do? He starts getting paranoid, saying it could be a trap. Listen you Martian Jackass, in another branch you totally chewed us out for not answering an SOS. If you think you can get away with second guessing us now, I'm going to ram your stupid martian head into the fertile jungle ground and keep you freshly watered (after beating you to death) so that in 6 to 9 months I can grow a good crop of Jackass Plants.

If you would like us to (T) Listen To Flppto (who will die alone), state that you would. Alternately, you can tell us to (U) Investigate The SOS Right Now, Flppto be damned (he already is, and will burn in a lake of fire for all eternity).

Ending Catalogue:
Total Endings: 25
Non-Endings:V AV BB BE BF BG
Victory Endings: Z AC AG AR AT AW
Failure Endings: P Q W AA AB AH AI AN AP AS BA BC BD BF BG
Death Endings: Q W AA AB AH AI AP AS BA BC BD

What-The-Hell Endings: P V AA AG AN BA BE BG AV


Matthew said...


screw it, lets just face the doom rather then putting off facing the doom

Anonymous said...

I like how the Evil Power Master signs his name as Evil Power Master.

Hmmm... Knowing this book, responsibly analyzing the message will probably just get you eaten by a lobster beast, so let's tell Flppto to shut the hell up and go with path U.

Jigglysaint said...

Branch T. If Flip-top says it's a trap, well then...oh wait all the good endings are done allready.

Flip a coin, or flip Flipto. If he lands on his head and dies, well whatever I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

SirGameandWatch said...

I never ever agree with Flippto, so we screw him. Straight to the S.O.S.

Hankor said...

If we would analyze the tape we could get the current location of group 32, making our search more efficent. Also we would find out if it was the EPM´s fake SOS-Signal all along...

on the other hand everybody could be dead by the time we´re done analyzing.

Since the only thing the rapid-force is half-capable of involves computers i´d say we analyze the tape. The worst thing that could happen is Group 32 is getting butchered while we are safe so that seems like a risk worth taking.

FacePunch said...

Growing the jackass plants sounds like a plan. I would rather have a freshly grown bushel of jackasses to carry our stuff than an annoying, second guessing, martian robot that probably secretely wants us to die.

*Sigh* what's the point of being cautious? We are going to die anyways... to our graves!... I mean, to the jungle!

Anonymous said...

...O.o're getting prett intense about your hatred for Flppto, DC...granted he is the worst Martian ever...but dang...

As for a course of action...just answer the dang thing...we're already here anyway.

Oh, and that "not answer the SOS" thing? Preeeetty weak ending...dang you Evil Power Master! You um...embarassed us in front of people, and now we can't be all heroic and stuff.

Peachychan said...

I say screw Flppto, he's screwed us over enough already. D: Go help those people. :3