Friday, November 23, 2007

Photoshop recap video

Here's a link to the photoshop recap video! Hope you enjoy it! Normal video updates to resume soon.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Branch ???: The End of the Road

Well, it's been a long book. We've seen many ways to die and win. We've been humiliated, mocked, vaporized, and raped. Now, it's time to finish things. The previous branch was the last one. So let's see what kind of ending we get if we put Tonto in charge.

Damn you Flppto, you play too rough. Look what you did!

The Commander is just too dumb to die like he ought to. Maybe we'll get lucky and he will anyway. Chances are low.

You enter a longterm recovery program. Nevermind the fact that no one is paying attention to the Evil Power Master, they're too busy worrying over the Commander. I hope they all get vaporized into... vapor!

Ending AL:
Type: Non-Ending/What-The-Hell

Well, that was three solid pages of boring. Let's see if putting Flppto in charge (an awful idea) ends it on a better note.

We assign leadership to Flppto, because in our feverish state we're too busy having fever dreams to full realize what he did to us. Commander, now is not the time to put that guy in charge.

Flppto takes our position. He's taken everything from us, now our title. We sit in a hospital bed, unable to stop him or the Evil Power Master. That bites.

Ending AM:
Type: Non-Ending/What-The-Hell

Ending Catalogue:
Total Endings: 30
Victory Endings: Z AC AG AR AT AW
Death Endings: Q W AA AB AH AI AJ AP AS BA BC BD

What-The-Hell Endings: P V AA AG AL AM AN AX BA BE BG AJ AV

And with that, we've seen all 30 endings and have concluded the War With The Evil Power Master. 10 Endings that aren't. 6 measly victories. 18 ways to FAIL. 12 ways to die. And 13 endings that don't make any sense at all. I think that's about enough torment from this book.

Here are the idiots responsible for this travesty.

Next time on War With The Evil Power Master...


No, I don't think we'll be reading the prequel. We will, however, be going over some of the wonderful photoshopped entries we've received. I might make a video of it, so keep your eyes peeled. In the next couple of days, I'll also announce the winners, so stay tuned viewers!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Branch U: The Terrible Things Martians Do

When we last left off, we were about to go search for the Evil Power Master's jungle base.

I'm not exactly sure why Colin explaining his reasoning behind the base theory and hearing some maniacal gloating counts as the end.

Ending AX:
Type: Non-Ending/What-The-Hell

Well, that was no good. Let's leave this wretched planet and go to Follop.

Bird Apes destroy your ship, because that is how they roll (with their beaks).

Ending AY:
Type: Non-Ending/Failure

This is the price we pay for analyzing this tape: The planet kills us. So let's just head toward it without hesitation. Although...

Our escape vehicle explodes. Hard Man gets knocked around. The Commander is a mess. Flppto moves to help h-


We... um... the book has delivered us the final insult. It has taunted us and tormented us. Now? It has violated us. And we will never be the same.

You thought the Evil Power Master was bad, all this time? Well, we just got raped by Flppto. Now you realize why I was so enthusiastic about shooting him.

Blacking out is a natural reaction to martian rape. And we're unfit to lead. And injured. And violated. Oh... god.

Who do we put in charge now? Tonto (AL) or Flppto (AM)?

Ending Catalogue:
Total Endings: 28
Non-Endings:V AV AX AY BB BE BF BG
Victory Endings: Z AC AG AR AT AW
Death Endings: Q W AA AB AH AI AJ AP AS BA BC BD

What-The-Hell Endings: P V AA AG AN AX BA BE BG AJ AV

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Branch AK: Jungle Base

You know what, most of you want to rush headlong into this. But I'd rather be paranoid awhile longer. Surely the book wouldn't punish me for that...

Oh come on. That bites. For our continued indecisiveness, we get lazered out of nowhere. We die. And the neighbors read our mail.

Ending AJ:
Type: Failure/Death/What-The-Hell

Wow. I'm excited about the prospect of not being murdered right out of nowhere in the next ending we get.

...I'm going to pretend I didn't see page 61 for a second.
In any event, we land in the jungle, leaving Hard Man behind. Vines grab us for no damn reason. And... and...


Umm... yeah. Bird Ape. I... I hate this book so much. I... argh.
Right. So as we left off we were saved out of freaking nowhere.

It's Colin. Oh joy. With ridiculous antique weapons. Like all good commanders, Colin is a failure and most of his party is dead.

Decision time. We can run through the damn jungle, looking for the Evil Power Master and getting murdered by vines and bird apes (AX), or we could leave this horrible place and go to Follop (AY).

But something tells me we're going to regret tomorrow's update. Or at least I am.

Ending Catalogue:
Total Endings: 26
Non-Endings:V AV BB BE BF BG
Victory Endings: Z AC AG AR AT AW
Death Endings: Q W AA AB AH AI AJ AP AS BA BC BD

What-The-Hell Endings: P V AA AG AN BA BE BG AJ AV

Branch T: Paranoia Storm

We can't trust this SOS apparently, so we're going to have a sit-down and analyze it.

There's the best face shots of Flppto and the droid in the entire book. And by best, I mean I wish they were both dead.
Before we can finish our analysis, the name of that one guy we know from that one time is added to the new message. I think the real question is, Do We Care?

Are we still going to act paranoid, thinking this is an Evil Power Master trick (Branch AJ), or are we actually going to act on this and try to help people (Branch AK)? Poor Colin, if only he knew the people pulling the strings behind our decisions, he wouldn't even bother with the SOS.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Branch J: Jungle Planet

Being a mass of uncaring jerks, we have elected to ignore the SOS, still. But somehow I figure this will come back to bite us in the nads anyway. Let's look for Survivors. If we find Richard Hatch, he dies first.

> Explore Ruins
You find a farmer.
> Talk Farmer
The farmer whines about how the Evil Power Master set them all on fire, is unstoppable, dapper in that hat.

> Return to Base
You return to your base. The Evil Power Master has left you a challenge in giant, capital letters so you know he sent it.
> Go to Stadium
You arrive at the stadium. It is full of aliens waiting eagerly to watch you get utterly stomped by the Evil Power Master.
> Why the hell did I agree to this challenge?
I have no idea.
> Enter Stadium.
You are in the center of the stadium. The crowd is cheering.
There is an Evil Power Master here.
> Fight Evil Power Master
The Evil Power Master laughs at you, makes you look like a chump in front of all these people, and runs away laughing. People begin to make fun of you and your mother. THE END.

Ending V:
Type: Non-Ending/Failure/What-The-Hell

...Wow. That didn't go so well. I'll never look for any survivors again, ever, in any context. Maybe that SOS won't get us so thoroughly embarrassed.

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Okay we're going to the SOS now.

You land. You look around for the SOS. A giant monster eats you. Also, your parents never loved you.

Ending W:
Type: Failure/Death

Wow. I'll never ignore another SOS again. Because if I do, for even a second, apparently I will die, or worse. Let's go ahead and go to that SOS.

The damn book decides to rename the droid I've been calling Hard Man all this time. They call him Tonto because they are stupid and unfamiliar with how awesome Megaman 3 was. This book belongs in a fire.
We land on the jungle planet. We answer the SOS. And what does Flppto do? He starts getting paranoid, saying it could be a trap. Listen you Martian Jackass, in another branch you totally chewed us out for not answering an SOS. If you think you can get away with second guessing us now, I'm going to ram your stupid martian head into the fertile jungle ground and keep you freshly watered (after beating you to death) so that in 6 to 9 months I can grow a good crop of Jackass Plants.

If you would like us to (T) Listen To Flppto (who will die alone), state that you would. Alternately, you can tell us to (U) Investigate The SOS Right Now, Flppto be damned (he already is, and will burn in a lake of fire for all eternity).

Ending Catalogue:
Total Endings: 25
Non-Endings:V AV BB BE BF BG
Victory Endings: Z AC AG AR AT AW
Failure Endings: P Q W AA AB AH AI AN AP AS BA BC BD BF BG
Death Endings: Q W AA AB AH AI AP AS BA BC BD

What-The-Hell Endings: P V AA AG AN BA BE BG AV

Branch K: Destroyed City

Most of you voted to ignore the SOS. Good on you! I was sick of putting up with Flppto's wishes.
What's this? Flppto copping an attitude with us? We've dealt with Octopi before, we don't need to put up with his crap. He can take his official protest and cram it up his martian butt because when this is all over I'm going to bust that stupid punk back down to private. He'll be doing latrine duty for weeks. No one messes with the Commander in the middle of a wartime battle situation.

Maybe the authors home was in this city. That'd be nice.

Well, Flppto has gone all emo on us, and the city of Follop is dead and destroyed. Was it their natural enemies? Was it the Evil Power Master? But more importantly...

...Do we give a damn? Should we go outside and check (V), or leave any survivors to their own devices and go back to that damn SOS we're already in trouble for ignoring (W), or would be if we weren't going to murder Flppto and change the record to remove all hints of any wrongdoing on our part. Damn Mouthy Martian.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Branch E: Follop

Well, we're surrounded by spaceships. I now know what I must do.

Well. It looks like because we milled around for three hours, we gave the Evil Power Master ample time to escape and mobilize a fleet of starships to murder us with. Oh sure, we're prepping weapons and everything, but naturally we stop to listen to Rendoxoll, who has Failed. Nothing defeats Magic. This means we become space vapor. Maybe Rendoxoll escaped? Who cares... we died!

Ending AH:
Type: Failure/Death

Well that wasn't so good. Let's not arm weapons. Surely we won't die right away.

I was right, we won't die right away. First we will starve to death. It's the Evil Power Master's trophy collection. We're his latest prize. Also, Rendoxoll is dead and the Evil Power Master can turn into acrid green smoke. Note that, because it might be important? No. No it is not.

Ending AI:
Type: Failure/Death

You know what? This sector bites. Clearly investigating here is a death sentence, even though we succeeded a couple times. Let's go investigate Follop instead, the last quarter of the book.

Follop is their excuse to turn this book into dangerous space adventure journey. We will be accosted by monsters, space rocks, and dangerous martians. The Commander's cousin Colin is here somewhere, and he's just as dumb as the Commander, so let's not find him. We must make careful decisions!

Like this SOS for example: Do we (T) Attempt to Aid the Sender of the SOS, or (U) Leave them to their Grizzly Demise and investigate the light beam instead? Remember, there are no wrong answers, only answers that result in incredible wrongness that makes you rue the day. And in this last quarter of the book, things get very, very wrong.

Ending Catalogue:
Total Endings: 23
Non-Endings: AV BB BE BF BG
Victory Endings: Z AC AG AR AT AW
Failure Endings: P Q AA AB AH AI AN AP AS BA BC BD BF BG
Death Endings: Q AA AB AH AI AP AS BA BC BD

What-The-Hell Endings: P AA AG AN BA BE BG AV