Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Branch U: The Terrible Things Martians Do

When we last left off, we were about to go search for the Evil Power Master's jungle base.



I'm not exactly sure why Colin explaining his reasoning behind the base theory and hearing some maniacal gloating counts as the end.

Ending AX:
Type: Non-Ending/What-The-Hell

Well, that was no good. Let's leave this wretched planet and go to Follop.





Bird Apes destroy your ship, because that is how they roll (with their beaks).

Ending AY:
Type: Non-Ending/Failure

This is the price we pay for analyzing this tape: The planet kills us. So let's just head toward it without hesitation. Although...




Our escape vehicle explodes. Hard Man gets knocked around. The Commander is a mess. Flppto moves to help h-




NO FLPPTO THAT IS NOT HOW YOU HELP HUMANS YOU DO NOT HELP HUMANS BY FORCING THEIR STUNNED BODIES TO GIVE YOU FELLATIO! RAPE IS NOT THE ANSWER! FLPPPPPPPTOOOOOOOOOOOO!

We... um... the book has delivered us the final insult. It has taunted us and tormented us. Now? It has violated us. And we will never be the same.

You thought the Evil Power Master was bad, all this time? Well, we just got raped by Flppto. Now you realize why I was so enthusiastic about shooting him.






Blacking out is a natural reaction to martian rape. And we're unfit to lead. And injured. And violated. Oh... god.

Who do we put in charge now? Tonto (AL) or Flppto (AM)?
AS IF IT MATTERS. NOTHING MATTERS NOW.

Ending Catalogue:
Total Endings: 28
Non-Endings:V AV AX AY BB BE BF BG
Victory Endings: Z AC AG AR AT AW
Failure Endings: P Q W AA AB AH AI AJ AN AP AS AY BA BC BD BF BG
Death Endings: Q W AA AB AH AI AJ AP AS BA BC BD

What-The-Hell Endings: P V AA AG AN AX BA BE BG AJ AV

11 comments:

Ranchei said...

Let's put Flppto in charge. Why? Cause he/she/it will most likely get itself killed and saves us the truble...

SirGameandWatch said...

So, the worst picture in the book. Put Tonto in charge, of course. My eyes...

Hankor said...

Mhh... tough call...

Putting the martian rapist in charge would encourage him to rape us some more just to keep the newly obtained power

Putting a robot in charge that seemed to be broken just a couple of minutes ago doesn´t sound to convincing either...

Let´s put the the martian in charge it would make the commanders life miserable (good thing) and it seems that people wich make ANY decision in this book are pretty likely to die within 2 seconds so we could end up with a dead martian rapist (veeeeery good thing)

Hail to our raping-martian-overlord it is then

Andrew said...

Follow Hard Man. The cold calculating mind of a robot that talks disjointedly about the weather is a much better choice than the rapeist Flppto.

NotPigeonV2 said...

Only two endings left!
Anyways, I say we appoint Tonto because droids are machines, and therefore infallible. Unlike Martians.

Shadowfax said...

HOLY CRAP. o_O

Hahaha-- where did you find this book??? They obviously didn't mean to illustrate a suggestive martian scene, but they did. :P Or did they? It's a flowing sentence, Flppto gives Fellat--

Give charge to Tonto! It's a really conspicuous choice and will probably lead to a painful death, but it's better than martians like him ruling us all!

Jigglysaint said...

Appoint Hard Man. No way we are going to let that sicko Flipto anywhere near us again.

FacePunch said...

Yuck... I mean... Yuck. This is the point in the adventure where I commit intergalactic suicide and shoot myself with a laser blaster. IT HAS GONE TOO FAR.

Bastard said...

Sigh, the book doesn't seem to leave us much choise again does it?

What good does a troid which voice synthesizer is brocken?

And communication with Sartan and her forces. "Tonto, we don't understand you. Are on electric high or something?" "Gooddaygooddaygoodaygooddaythankyouthankyouthankyouthatnkyou!!!"

I suppose we have to go by flppto again. Unfortunately.

Anonymous said...

We have to appoint one of THESE losers as the team leader? Dear lord we're screwed.

Appoint Tanto. Flppto...I just don't trust him.

Anonymous said...

Put Tonto in charge! If we put Flppto in charge, he might rape us again!!