Thursday, November 8, 2007

Branch L: Lying to Marine Biologists

Well, let's see how our Metal Gear Flppto mission turns out if we, say, run the hell away.

..surprisingly well. Our fit of cowardice has given us a perfect view of the Evil Power Master going corporeal, and thus arrestable. Why we're arresting him and not shooting him (to death) is utterly beyond me. It seems like a bad idea, yes? Guess it's not really efficient for him to use his Focused Laser while he has three heads, and isn't a giant floating head.

Ending Z:
Type: Victory

Wow. We're really running through those victory endings pretty quickly. There are only two of those left... and yet 22 endings to go. Uh Oh.

Now, I feel bad about us running away like that. Surely if we take the Solid Snake route against all adversity, we will be rewarded. Rewards... right?

Commander of the Rapid Force, master of trench warfare. Now let's see you breathe mustard gas, buddy. I thought not. More importantly, this is around the first page in the book where we aren't doing something inherently stupid. Maybe the book can keep up this kind of momentum.

It turns out the Evil Power Master was three marine biologists this entire time.
... And they would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for us damn teenagers and our talking Martian.
Hey, while you're at it, you guys ought to make the Evil Power Master one of the Scooby-Doo gang (but don't you dare photoshop him onto Velma (please don't, I will cry)).

It's getting all Cho Aniki up in here. Somehow many of you could see this coming... but... it turns out the Evil Power Master is three naked android monsters with glowing crotches. Also, we fail spectacularly. Also, this is the worst way to die in the entire book.

Ending AA:
Type: Death/Failure/What-The-Hell

Your photoshop homework is... argh...


You know what? Metal Gear Flppto was a terrible plan. We're going to lie and pretend to be smart about fish.
Well, I like how this path didn't expose us to android crotch lasers. Things are looking up for the Commander of the Rapid Force! But our dinner with the other three, highly suspcious, probably not glow-crotch androids, marine biologists is interrupted by a sinister loudspeaker delivering a status report.

Our new choices are (Branch X) lie about being tired, (Branch Y) continue eating with suspicious marine bioloigists, or (Branch OHGODNO),

Ending Catalogue:
Total Endings: 9
Non-Endings: BE
Victory Endings: Z AC AR AT
Failure Endings: AA AB AS BD
Death Endings: AA AB AS BD

What-The-Hell Endings: AA BE


Anonymous said...

Option OHGODNO for great justice.

Make an excuse of being tired - it's already been proven that waiting is a bad idea...

Jigglysaint said...

I don't know what this book is ripping off first, Gemini Man for the lasers, or Refractor for the 3 things merging into one. Or maybe Calbrena from FF4. They all called, they want their multiple personalities back.

Valter said...

Hmm. I'm to disturbed to even solicit a response.

Oh heck with it, I say you stick to the other people lick duct tape. Maybe this will lower your chance of being crotch-laser'd

Anonymous said...

EAT UP! I'm hungry :(

Anonymous said...

Wow...that WAS the worst ending ever...what, we forgot to bring a spare set of batteries? Sooo lame.