Saturday, November 17, 2007

Branch S: Spacecraft Swarm

Alright folks, I hope you're prepared for this one. It's going to get messy. When we last left off, we had a choice between weapons or no weapons. Because it is my nature, we will charge in there, guns blazing.

Oh, who am I kidding. Every time we come up with a good idea, the book defeats us with some form of stupidity. This is like playing a game of D&D with a DM who breaks all the game rules in the interest of weaving a complicated narrative ripped straight from his bad Sailor Moon fanfiction.

Rendoxoll joins the party! Game over.

Ending AV:

Type: Non-Ending/What-The-Hell

Well. Let's not do that. Clearly, it's just Rendoxoll, so if we decide not to be armed, it will still be Rendoxoll, right? Well, this book doesn't feel compelled to use logic, but we'll try it anyway.

Thankfully (???), it's just Rendoxoll. Here's an entire page about how awesome Rendoxoll is supposed to be, and how the Commander has pictures of Rendoxoll all over his bedroom. What it fails to mention is that Rendoxoll really hid because he was tired of the Commander stalking him and exposing himself. Brilliant AI Robot didn't need to see that, Commander.

Hahaha, wow. Look at that grin. What a jerk. Not only is he better than us at, well, everything, but he's snide about it too. Wearing these novelty eyeglasses that look like giant letters reading "Checkpoint Reached", we're sure to find the Evil Power Master in this crowd, and look like idiots. Novelty eyeglasses for everybody!

"NO!", shouts the Evil Power Master, as several droids hold hands and encircle him in a peace ring or hug or some other touchy-feely crap. The electro-hug defeats the unstoppable evil of the Power Master, and you throw him into zero gravity, hoping that will hold him.

Ending AW:

Type: Victory

Well folks, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that we caught the Evil Power Master again. The bad news is that was the last victory ending in the whole book, and we still have 9 endings left to go.
Let the good times roll! Landing was stupid. Landing made us see Rendoxoll. We're gonna reconnoiter instead.

You float around the dumb spaceship for three hours, giving the inhabitants plenty of time to scramble a swarm of spacecraft to encircle us, and laugh at us, and make fun of the Commander (and his Mother).

Now we're talkin! We can (AH) Shoot Everybody, or (AI) Don't Shoot Everybody. Don't pick AI, because I hated that movie.

Ending Catalogue:
Total Endings: 21
Non-Endings: AV BB BE BF BG
Victory Endings: Z AC AG AR AT AW
Failure Endings: P Q AA AB AN AP AS BA BC BD BF BG
Death Endings: Q AA AB AP AS BA BC BD

What-The-Hell Endings: P AA AG AN BA BE BG AV


Anonymous said...

I say blow the crap out of everything. It will be failure, but who cares.

Anonymous said...

Wow...was that really the best ending we could get? Getting upstaged by a robot with flipper arms? Ouch...and it can only go downhill from here...well, let's at least make stuff blow up before our final hurrah.